Even though this site and my life coaching is not about weight loss or dieting or fitness or maintaining a particular kind of body, it is about the experience of being a large woman so I thought I would give you some background on where I coming from and how I approach living in my large female body.
 

Dieting and Willpower Aren't the Answer

 

I've been fat virtually my entire life. For most of that time, my body was a thing almost wholly outside myself. My body was a "condition" that didn't reflect who I was and yet I couldn't truly enjoy anything because it betrayed me. I earned great grades, was reasonably well-behaved and didn't get into much trouble, I was a good and generous friend, I was a hard worker. And yet any accomplishment was always bittersweet for me because there was the big looming, "This would be perfect if I wasn't fat." I would pretend I didn't notice it but it was a constant presence wherever I went. Of course it was--it was my body.

I tried lots of dieting from the eat bacon and cheese diet to the maybe you can have a piece of lunchmeat if you're good and don't eat anything else but do a lot of exercise diet. I've tried water aerobics, yoga, walking, starving, pigging out, shame, guilt, will power--if you're fat you know what I mean.

I am a reasonably smart, strong, and successful person and if there was a way to figure out how not to be fat with my mind or a way to will or wish myself thin I would have found it. Even when I exercise a lot and eat practically nothing the smallest I've ever been after I reached adulthood is a size 16/18. I've been up and down and up and down and up and down again and the one constant about my body was my feeling that I was always huge and never good enough. I often thought about how great the moments in my life would be when I didn't have to feel bad about being fat.

And that's the trick isn't it? Not feeling bad about my body whatever size it is. Feeling great about our bodies is a difficult task today-especially for women. We get hammered with messages that our bodies are something we must control, dominate, and most importantly fix on a lot of different fronts. The result is our bodies become alien to us. Our bodies betray and defy us and we're often left with a feeling that we are not our bodies or we can only identify with body parts like breasts, butts, thighs, and double chins. We glare at them in the mirror seeing all the little defects and imperfections and bulges and splotches.

Trying to "Figure it Out"

 

Over the course of the past five years or so, I've been trying to come to terms with my body as it is and try to "figure it out." I'm a problem solver and my relationship with my body was just another thing to figure out, right? Perhaps you can see how it took me a while to work through the fact that my basic assumption was, I can tell you with great confidence now, wrong. My body is not a problem. My body is a wondrous solution. My body is the answer. I don't like the word "overweight" because it implies that my body is reacting to my environment in ways that are counter to my well-being. I realize that's not an intuitive statement considering how much information about the dangers of obesity are bandied about these days, but my body always acts in my best interest. I'm going to say that again because I think it's really important.

My body always acts in my best interest.

My fat is my body's way of helping me live in the world. My fat is my body's way of communicating with me. My fat is my body's way of helping me be the person I am. I firmly believe that the physical manifestations present within my body are helping me clue into what I need to know about my whole being. Even though I haven't traditionally been good about interpreting the messages my body sends me and that miscommunication has been painful to me, those messages and manifestations have been there to help me live a full, happy, and abundant life. I am not overweight, I'm exactly at the weight I need to be right now to live in this world. That does not mean that I can't find different ways of coping with my surroundings, but my weight is my body's way of saying, "Hey, I got your back." (or more accurately, "Hey, I am your back.")

There are several authors who have resources to help us clue into what our bodies are saying (Louise Hay is a great example). The trick is actually listening to these messages and then (here's the challenging part) being grateful that our bodies are helping us realize what we need to face at any given time.

Claiming Our Bodies as Home

 

I'm going to be honest with you by admitting that the idea that my body is my helper and my friend is something I'm still trying to internalize. I believe that as women we have our work cut out for us when it comes to developing healthy body images. Large women in particular are often challenged by the fact that we've become adept at living inside our heads instead of living wholly integrated within our physical bodies. I'm working on it though, and it has been a joyful and scary process.

I recently went on vacation and was faced with a bunch of walking. I wasn't exactly thrilled about the prospect, but for the first time in a long time I felt confident that my legs and my feet wouldn't let me down. I knew that if I respected what my body told me I could do it. And guess what? I did it. I took breaks when I needed them, I drank lots of water, I soaked in the lovely large tub at our hotel every night, and I was grateful that I could get from place to place when I needed to. Thank you legs and feet for staying strong!

It's a shame that there are relatively few resources available to help people outside the mainstream cope with their bodies. There are very few exercise classes that show me as someone who has problems handling high-impact activities or activities that require a lot of flexibility how to move around comfortably. I used to think that was my fault. I felt like it must be that I was so out of shape that I couldn't move at all. Guess what? That's not true. Fitness like most things in life is a progression. I can start where I'm at and work my way up to where I want to be. And I can feel wonderful and joyful because I am working to make my life better the best way I know how.

I'm going to stop before this turns into a book (am I too late?). My point is that it's time we consider our bodies a safe haven, that we consider them home. It's time to stop letting other people dictate what health in our bodies mean, our sense of well-being, and our level of comfort with ourselves. Every single person reading this is a strong, wondrous, amazing, beautiful person deserving a life full of love, laughter, prosperity, and health. Every single moment of every single day is a new chance to make our lives better. Now is your moment to start. You're ready. Now go!