06.11.07

What’s the big deal about meditation?

Posted in Paths to Bliss at 10:21 am

Odds are pretty good that if you are on this website you’ve had someone in your life suggest you meditate. This post is for the people who think, “Yeah! I should meditate! That’s a good idea!” and then never actually do it because they don’t know how or they are unsure where to start or they never seem to find a way to get around to it. I am intimately acquainted with those circumstances because all three could have easily described me.

What’s so great about meditation anyway?
Scientists are studying the brain patterns of Tibetan monks when they meditate and are finding that deep meditation activates dormant parts of the brain, promotes happiness, and allows practitioners to actually control their body temperature. Cool right? But those kinds of things probably won’t actually motivate anyone to meditate because while we’re all for increased brain function and happiness it takes some hard-core meditation skills to perform feats that scientists actually want to study.

And for that matter, when people start going on and on about how great they feel when they meditate and how they just don’t feel right if they don’t do it, it makes us feel guilty when we sit there and our brains keep going on and on and we start to itch in random places and we wonder how long we have to sit like this before we can get up. We obviously must be doing it wrong, which feels lame when all meditating is is sitting quietly and focusing. The good news is you’re probably not doing it wrong, you’re just missing a step and most likely, practice–I’ll get to that in a moment.

People are going on and on about how great they feel, however, because meditation is a wonderful way to find our centers and get in touch with what is really important to us. When done consistently, meditation easily lives up to all the hype. Even at its most basic level, committing to spending some time alone with ourselves in a quiet space is an acknowledgment that our well-being is worth that time and effort. For some people, their meditation time is really the only time they take just for themselves to get in touch with where they are.

Common blocks to starting a meditation practice
There are several blocks I’ve encountered internally and that I’ve noticed in people around me. I’m going to preface this by saying I think these blocks are great. There’s nothing like resistance to show us exactly what we need to face. I’m going to leave out the “I don’t want to” block, because I’m assuming if you’ve gotten this far in the post you’re actually interested in figuring out how to meditate.

I’ll start with the things we tell ourselves:
“I don’t know how.”
This is probably the most common non-block block out there. We figure out how to do things all the time (that’s what the internet is for, right?) and in my experience 99.9% of the people who say or think this are not only capable of learning how to do it, but are also using it as an excuse not to try. A big step in moving forward towards a meditation practice would be to just drop this block. You may not know how, but you can learn (just Google “How to meditate” and you could conceivably be busy for the rest of your life) and you can get better at it with practice. You can totally move on to another block if you’d like, but let’s make it a more honest one.

“I don’t have time.”
This is a great block because if you’re like me, you’ll only actually think about meditating when you don’t have time to do it or you’ll use up time you had to meditate by thinking about the logistics of making time to do it. The best way to start meditating is for short periods of time. I started with 5 to 10 minutes while I got used to being inside my head and sitting quietly. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I’m positive you have 5 or 10 minutes to meditate. Reading this post will take at least 5 minutes. Even if you have a busy job, a family, or an all-consuming Ultimate Frisbee habit you have 10 minutes to sit down somewhere and check in with yourself.

Now I’ll move on to the things that we bury under the excuses above:

We’re not ready to let go.
Letting go is inherent in the act of meditation. We sit quietly, we breathe deeply, we observe our bodies and the sounds around us as we simultaneously detach from them. We notice how we feel and what we are thinking, but we remove value judgments from everything as we watch. Once we know what the relief of letting go feels like, it becomes easier to do in all different kinds of situations. We get into a fight with someone and where we would ordinarily be angry for hours or days, we decide it’s not worth it and let go. We’re starting a new project that has a lot of details out of our control but instead of worrying or being upset we just let go and watch how it resolves itself. For some of us, the idea of letting go to the things we’re holding onto so tightly is an uncomfortable proposition. The good news is that we get to decide what we want to let go of. Meditation helps letting go be a less painful process it doesn’t force you to do anything. One way to combat this block is to repeat, “I am safe.” several times when you begin each meditation session.

We don’t feel like we deserve self-care.
We are often willing to squeeze the needs of other people into our lives, but when it comes to doing something purely for ourselves we don’t give ourselves permission to make time. I’ve said this before on this site: a critical part of happiness is focusing on ourselves. Right now as you read this say to yourself, “I deserve to put myself first.” Notice how that makes you feel. If you’re uncomfortable, you probably have this block. I suggest you say that to yourself several times every day–especially when you’re faced with the choice of doing something you want to do or doing something someone else wants to do. One way to overcome this block is to say, “I deserve to spend 10 minutes focused just on me.” Sounds like a no-brainer when we say it that way.

We’re afraid of what we’ll discover.
This block deals with the big “What if?” What if we’ve carefully constructed stories about our life and when we meditate the stories won’t work for us anymore? What if we have to turn around and face all the things we’re running from? What if the jobs we have or the relationships we’re in are all wrong for us? Ironically, if you have this block one or all of those statements are probably true for you. It’s kind of a poke in the eye that if we’re afraid there are things in our lives we’re not facing there are definitely things in our lives we’re not facing. Sometimes, though, what we’re not facing is that we’re happy with how things are. Sometimes we let in ways to express who we really are without fulling accepting that that is who we really are. Here’s my promise to you: Every time you turn around and face something you are one step closer to living as your authentic self. Living as your authentic self will always make you happier.

If we figure out who we are and what we want, we have to do something about it.
I think this block is a big one. Most of us actually know what we need to do. We are sent messages all the time–often in the form of feelings–about what path to take. When we feel good we’re on the right track, when we feel bad we need to find another path. If we pretend we don’t hear them, we don’t have to act on them. Meditation helps us settle into surety. We are there solely to listen and that makes pretending we don’t hear much more difficult. A great mantra to help overcome this block is, “I am committed to making my life better.”

Now what?
The beauty of meditation is that you can use it to, wait for it, meditate on any of the blocks above. You can meditate on why you don’t want to meditate! You may be thinking, “Yes, Kimberly. That’s really clever. But how?” Good question. There are many, many different ways to meditate. Again, I recommend Googling, but I’m going to give you tips on how to start.

1. Find a spot where you won’t be disturbed for ten minutes. Turn off your phone, mute your computer, gag everyone in the house.
2. If you have it and if it helps you get into a peaceful state of mind, play relaxing music and/or burn some incense.
3. Sit comfortably, whatever that means for you. You do not need to contort your body into contemplative positions to meditate unless you want to.
4. Close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose. Count to three or five while you breathe in, hold it for one second, and then breathe out the same amount.
5. In your mind’s eye, watch yourself doing this. Notice your stomach inflating as you breathe in, and settling towards your spine as you breathe out. Notice how the air is warm on the tips of your nostrils as you breath out.
6. As thoughts drift into your mind, notice them and then let them move on. Don’t feel anxious because your brain is racing–that’s completely natural. Just accept the thoughts that come to your mind and accept when they go.
7. Remember to keep breathing deeply, but if at some point it feels natural to focus on something else feel at peace letting go and following where your mind is taking you.
8. When you are ready to stop meditating, wiggle your fingers and toes and become fully aware of the sounds around you. Slowly open your eyes and give yourself a minute to get used to being in the world again.

If you would like to meditate on an issue or a question, follow the above steps and once you’ve reached a point where you feel relaxed and comfortable focus on the issue or question. Notice any images that come to your mind or any words or phrases. Don’t worry about day dreaming–answers often come in the form of these dreams. Just focus on the issue or question and relax. The answer will come to you. When you finish meditating it may help to write down everything you saw after you focused on your issue. It may seem like a jumble or nonsense your brain has created, but if you come back to it later it will make more sense.

The last step is committing to taking time to do this several times a week. No one was a meditation guru when they started–it takes practice. A good rule of thumb would be if you didn’t meditate yesterday, resolve to meditate today. If you commit to meditating at least every other day for two or three weeks, you will notice what a difference it is making in your life. Once you start doing it on a regular basis, it will become easier and easier to sink into a relaxed, meditative state. That is a reward in and of itself.

Finally, remember that meditation doesn’t have to be so serious. It can be a joy as you celebrate yourself and the fact that you’re taking time to take care of you!

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