02.23.07
Feel Better a Little at a Time
For those of us who believe that how we think impacts everything that is going on in our lives, feeling sad or low tends to be a double whammy. We know that feeling bad means that we’re off track and is creating more things that we don’t want, but we’re feeling bad and sometimes that happens and we can’t be happy all the time can we? And then we may feel even more resentful because it might feel like we’re being punished for being human when we’re doing the best we can manage. I know I’ve spent my fair share of time in that particular guilt and resentment spiral.
What I’m finding as I study and try to live a life of bliss is that our feelings are an indicator of where we’re at in the manifestation process. If we’re feeling bad we’ve outgrown the stories we tell ourselves, what we think we want is out of balance with our true desires, we’re resistant to transformational change, or we’re afraid to trust. All of those things are fairly natural as we grow and change and re-evaluate our lives and what we want. So how do we pull ourselves out of the guilt and resentment spiral?
I know how irritating it can feel to be around people who are happy when we’re feeling low. I know this because I have personally been irritated by that situation, and I have felt the irritation of others when I was the happy one. The irritation comes from the disjointed feeling of interacting with people who are operating at a different emotional level than we are. When I’m really happy, I want everyone around me to be happy and I wish they would just decide to stop feeling bad already! When I’m feeling low, I wish all the happy people would just tune it down because don’t they realize it’s not as easy as they think it is? I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle.
Crappy to Happy May Not Be Practical
Shooting for perky and happy may be self-defeating when we’re dealing with strong resistance and fear. We want to feel better and for our lives to go better, but shoving fear and resistance down and pretending to fine often amplifies the fear and resistance. On the other hand, we also need to make the decision that we are going to act to improve our outlook and work through the resistance and fear. Where is the middle? The middle is working to feel even one step better than you are feeling now.* If you’re depressed, one step better might be turning those feelings outward and feeling angry. If you’re angry, on step better might be feeling cynical. If you’re pessimistic, maybe you can try and see the other side of the situation and feel optimistic of one aspect. All of these steps are perfectly valid and reasonable (despite what anyone else in your life may say).
Working towards happiness one step at a time has several benefits:
- The pressure of feeling happy right this second is gone. Whew!
- You commit to action and improvement rather than staying in a sad place.
- You allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, and then use it as a guidepost for how to feel better.
- Each step up will bring you relief.
- If you work towards feeling at least one step better at any given moment, eventually better will mean really happy.
What You Can Do Right Now
One of the most important ways I help myself feel better is identifying what brings me comfort. For me, these things include interacting with my cats, watching some of my favorite happy television shows and movies, reading bits and pieces of an inspirational book, chocolate brownie batter ice cream, a warm shower, my worn down comfy loungy pants, listening to music I love or Hay House Radio, using my Angel cards, making a big pot of hearty soup etc. Sometimes when I really need it, I try to work in as many of those as I possibly can! Once you’ve identified what brings you comfort, give yourself permission to seek comfort out. We may feel we don’t deserve comfort because we’re not doing what we “should” be doing or because there is such chaos around us, but that is the best time to let in a little comfort. The only way for things in our lives to go better is to actually feel better. Postponing comfort only postpones relief and happiness. We don’t have to negotiate with ourselves (if I do this then I deserve comfort and to feel better)–we deserve comfort right now. So go do that. I’ll wait here, come back after you’ve done something nice for yourself.
Back? Great. I hope that helped a little. Now instead of running from the things you are resisting and/or that are scaring you, look right at them. Acknowledge that you’re worried about money or relationships or having a fulfilling job. Now release them to the universe. Recognize that you are part of Source Energy and that you are blessed and will be taken care of. Picture the opposite of your fears (turn debt into prosperity, turn an abusive relationship into a loving one, turn an unfulfilling job into a source of joy), say “That is mine!”, and set up an expectation that all of those things are in your life.
Now that you’ve turned over your worry and desire to the universe, it’s time to take another step up the emotional scale. Whenever you catch yourself dwelling on something negative, look for the happiest thought you can find and hold it for 30 seconds. If you catch yourself thinking “Life sucks!” stop and say something like, “Well, I do love my cat. Petting him makes me feel so much better. I’m glad I have some unconditional love in my life” or “Although, I did eat some Chocolate Brownie Batter ice cream and damn I’m happy I have tastebuds because it means I get to experience something as delicious as that” or even “I’m really glad it’s warm today. The warmness definitely does not suck.”
Finally, give yourself a break! Do the best you can manage and remember to give yourself an abundance of comfort. Let go of your shoulds and of your self-punishment and embrace the things you actually want to do and the things that bring you joy.
[*This idea was crystalized for me in Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, an excellent book I recommend picking up. The book provides around 20 different steps on the emotional scale and suggests processes and activities you can do to help yourself move up the scale.]
