I’m recovering from a horrific cold I caught the weekend before last and from the Clothing Swap and I’m planning on resuming at least weekly or bi-weekly posts by the end of the week. Thanks to everyone who sent me pings!
The aforementioned Fat Girl Clothing Swap is taking up much of my free time at the moment, but I’ve been thinking about this blog often. Posting shall resume shortly.
I am proud to announce Colorado’s first ever Fat Girl Clothing Swap. I am co-conspiring with one of the original organizers of the Fat Girl Flea Market, Tina Arroyo, to create a day of fat, fashion, and fabulousness. We were talking about how it’s often difficult to find cute clothes in plus sizes and even more difficult to find them in Colorado (the closest Avenue is in Albuquerque!). We thought it would be fun to have a clothing swap so we could meet some great people and essentially throw a big party where everyone leaves with cute clothes. While we’re at it, we thought we would give back to the fat community by donating all proceeds to FLARE!, an organization that helps people affected by weight discrimination.
Thus was born the Fat Girl Clothing Swap. All information about the Swap can be found at our website, but here are some great reasons to participate:
If you would like to volunteer for the event, donate clothes*, donate a raffle prize, or have any questions, please feel free to use the contact page on this site or email me at kimberly [at] fabandfat [dot] com.
*Please note: You do not have to live in the Denver Metro area to donate clothes. If you’d like to clean out your closets and send us the clothes for the swap, please email me for details.
I’ve pretty much always been a die-hard fan of the idea that action is what brings results (not surprising considering the world we live in operates on this idea for the most part). First, you plan and set goals. Next, you employ discipline by taking action towards those goals. Finally, you react to circumstances and with luck and flexibility you will meet your goals and get results. It’s completely logical and very satisfying because there’s a lot of control in that process.
There’s a lot about that process that did not produce feelings of happiness for me though. Many times, the whole planning thing eluded me because I didn’t actually know what to do or how to plan for what I
wanted. Often the action that I thought I should take wasn’t fun or reinforced a story that didn’t feel right to me. Sometimes even if I had planned and taken action, the results didn’t come or didn’t conform to my expectations. I began to believe that there was something wrong with how I was approaching the process or with my discipline or with the goals I had set. I lost confidence in my intuition and got stuck in a big “I don’t know” cycle: I don’t know how to plan for this, I don’t know what steps to take, I don’t really know what I want, so how can I plan or take action, if I can’t take action I can’t go anywhere, I’m stuck but the only way to get unstuck is to do something, etc. Yuck!
Lately, though, I’ve discovered that the most liberating, happy-making thought I can have is “I don’t know.” It’s a big leap, I realize, but the reason “I don’t know” is so hard is that typically we attach fear to it as if not knowing will bring us misery and only knowing will bring us what we want. But what if we don’t have to know anything? What if good things can happen to us without knowing how and when they will come and without knowing exactly what we want? What if doing something is beside the point? (How does that thought make you feel? A little scared at not having control over the process maybe? Good! That’s exactly where I’m poking you. Poke. Poke.)
The Law of Attraction (1. Ask, 2. Answer, 3. Receive) says that if you ask for something and then come into alignment with it, you will have it every time. At no point during this process do you have to know anything.
Read the rest of this entry »
To the person who came to the blog after searching “feeling sad when trying to do positive thinking,” it’s only natural. We’ve been trained that things need to be hard. Here’s some comfort though (hopefully): You don’t have to feel awesome all the time. We encounter things that make us sad so we can ask for the things that make us happy. The contrast is how we grow and fine-tune our preferences. Further, it’s just not possible to go from feeling sad to feeling blissful. It’s too big of a leap and there’s no way to access thoughts of bliss when we feel down.
The way to stop feeling sad is to choose to take a little step towards feeling better and generating a feeling of relief. If you’re depressed, the feeling that may bring you relief from depression might be anger. So get angry. If you’re feeling disillusioned, the feeling that may bring you relief could be optimism. Just step as high as you can in any given moment. Reach for thoughts that bring relief and as you reach for them keep asking, “Do I feel better or worse?”
The beauty of this is that you will immediately feel some relief, and the more you do it the better you will feel. The other fun part of this process is that the more you do it, the more it will become an unconscious process and you’ll feel bad less and less. The ideal is looking forward to contrast as you realize that the contrast is helping to bring you what you actually want.
There’s a great post over at The M.A.P. Maker about thought redirection.
Have you ever tried not to think of something, only to have that something dominate your thoughts? There’s a famous experiment where researchers told the subject to try not to think of a white bear and then had them blurt out whatever came into their mind over the next five minutes.
What dominated their thoughts? You got it. White bears.
Here’s an article that suggests it’s the same with our negative thoughts. Trying not to think those thoughts will only make them breed like bunnies.
The trick, according to the article, isn’t suppression, it’s redirection…
For those of us on the positive thinking path, we’re acquainted with the spiral of negative thinking. We believe that positive thinking creates good in our lives so when we have negative thoughts we worry that we’re undermining that and then by thinking that we’re undermining positive thinking we’re making it worse which leads to being upset which leads to us thinking it will be worse etc. etc. etc.
The article referenced in the post has a great alternative to help snap us out of our negative thoughts: ask yourself a question (specifically about how you can turn the situation around or about what your goals are). I would take this idea further by suggesting that you turn the situation around. Whatever subject you’re feeling negative about, you can redirect those thoughts by thinking, “This situation is a blessing because …” or “This situation is helping me learn something about myself because …”
I love this idea for a couple of reasons. First, it’s a constructive way to let go of our negative thoughts and/or face our fear. If we run away from our negative thoughts instead of trying to figure out why they’re there, they just take up that much more attention (often in the background, churning away). If we can turn them around and look at things in a more positive light, the fear and negativity will dissipate before we spend too much time on them. Second, the more you look for the blessing in the curve balls life throws at you, the easier it will be to find blessings all around you. Things that would typically phase you become opportunities for growth and passion.
My go to blessing is that the contrast in our lives helps us ask for what we want. In other words, every time we see or experience something we don’t want, we ask for what we do want. And the Universe always says yes.
What blessings are around you?
I’ve been thinking about the idea of obligation a lot recently. I’ve been reading a lot of Body Acceptance blogs lately and when the subject of weight or health comes up the idea of obligation goes hand and hand (more on this in a minute). I thought about what a relief the thought, “I don’t have to be or do anything unless I want to,” has been for me. I remember what a relief it was when someone told me that and I got it. It was like I had their permission to be me. And I had to step back and really think about why I needed permission to let go of obligation like that.
Here’s what I’ve come up with: I think the reason we need permission to let go of a lot of obligation in our lives is that the obligation did not come from inside of us in the first place. We don’t inherently want to make ourselves miserable to look or be a certain way, but there is typically a lot of pressure to do so. So much pressure, in fact, that we feel like we’re failing if we don’t conform to the standards that other people have set for us. If someone sets new standards that are easier for us to take steps towards we feel relief because they have given us permission to take an easier path. Somehow, what we really think gets mixed up in these standards and we lose part of ourselves to the process.
So. This post is about increasing our awareness of our perceived obligations and letting them go. We’re allowed to be who we are right now, all the time, without anyone else’s input. I’m going to give examples of obligations I’ve found in myself and others and then give us permission to let them go.
Read the rest of this entry »
I was reading an interesting article about focused attention and Roger Federer (probably the best player in tennis if you’re not a sports type person). I found the link at a blog I like to read and he liked the article because it deals with Federer’s ability to “save” his concentration for his matches. I thought it was an interesting idea, so I went and read it and found a gem that totally relates to the Law of Attraction. First, here’s the quote (emphasis mine):
Federer has inspired an army of purple prose-writing editorialists to write encomiums to his play. Often the questions he is asked tend to come with a subtext of, “Your genius far exceeds these other guys, huh?”
Further, writers tend to explain his dominance as a form of better thinking. But, during the U.S. Open, Federer often downplayed the amount of thinking and conscious effort he needs to put into playing tennis. It’s as if he’s trying to say, “Guys, I just go out there and play my game. I’m not a ballet dancer or an aeronautical engineer. I’m a tennis player, and I react to what happens out there.”
At this stage of his career, Federer more and more resembles Pete Sampras in his approach to winning. It’s not about the other guy, it’s about what you know you will summon from yourself at times of need. I suppose winning as much as those two guys have builds something more than confidence, something like faith.
Federer has that faith (and so did Rod Laver, judging by some fascinating comments Rosangel put up on the “Simply the Best?” post). And he’s less strategic than many analysts would have you believe. He’s not out there thinking all that consciously about slicing followed by the deep topspin forehand followed by the dropshot. His is an athletic genius, after all, and as he says, “it goes too fast.” Instead, he uses his mind to make sure he’s ready to concentrate at those crucial moments he is so good at identifying, and once there, doing what comes to him. That’s what I think he meant when he said, after Isner, “it’s all in the mind and it’s all in the moment.“
My favorite part of that is that it’s not about anyone else, it’s about what we know about ourselves. And further, it’s about unwavering focus on what we know. We’re all not Roger Federer, obviously, but we all don’t want to be great tennis players either. This is a great reminder to evaluate what we know about ourselves and what we want. It’s important to throw away all those thoughts that don’t make us feel good and selectively focus on the thoughts that make us feel great and empowered. Once our attention is focused more on knowing that were capable of doing, everything we set our attention to than on what we specifically need to do, the details will take care of themselves.
By focusing our attention selectively that way, our manifestation process becomes a question of what (what we want) not how (what the Universe does to bring it to us). (Say that to yourself a hundred times: I need to focus on what not how. What not how.) One thing I’ve been saying over and over to myself when I worry about something is, “I don’t know how this is all going to work out, but I know it will. The Universe always says yes.” and I stop worrying. (Sometimes for about ten minutes and then I say the same thing to myself again.)
What do you know about yourself? What are some of the things that you naturally assume? What can you do to tweak those things to make each moment better for yourself?
Priscilla Palmer is compiling a list of outstanding personal development bloggers (I’d reproduce the list here, but it is ever-growing so go check it out in her post). Below is her description of personal development and her list:
Personal development is a large topic that includes but is not limited to (law of attraction, goals, time management, physical fitness, education, motivation, inspiration, and social skills). This list should include any blog you feel can benefit us in our growth process.
I’m honored to be on the list and have a few contributions. Most of the people I read on a regular basis were already on there, and then I noticed one area sadly lacking: Body Acceptance. So here are my contributions to help fill in the gap:
Peggy Elam at On the Whole
Good With Cheese at Good With Cheese
Kate Harding at Shapely Prose
The Rotund at The Rotund
Laurie Toby Edison at Body Impolitic
Your job is to be happy.
Sometimes I have negative emotions about the consequences of how I’m spending my time. I feel like I should be more productive or doing different things that traditionally lead to the results (in this case, income) I desire. I know from a deep place inside of me, though, that living a traditional life will not give me the same kind of fulfillment.
This is the affirmation I use when those negative emotions and thoughts pop up: My job is to be happy and employer is the Universe who always pays me what I ask for. That reminds me to keep doing things that make me feel good, and to ask for A LOT.
